time heals all wounds?

17Feb10

I’ve been worried about friends of mine back home from the past life.

I’d been friends with each of them separately before they had gotten married to each other. When everything hit the fan with my relationship over a year ago, the female half of that seemingly unstoppable duo revealed that they had been having issues and seeing a marriage counselor. And it seemed as though everything was working out for them.

Now it looks like it might not have been enough. I’m waiting to find out exactly what’s going on, but the female half has been hiding out. I hope I’m jumping to conclusions, but that’s exactly what I was doing when we first seperated.

The “wasband” and I haven’t had much reason to converse lately. I’m glad that things have been very civil–almost pleasant–when we have had to though.  Some tax documents showed up at my old address recently and he was nice enough to mail them to me, along with some old photos I had left behind, without me even having to ask.

I figured that deserved a thank you.

And even though I knew better, I did it. I asked about my our  friends and that I was concerned and feeling helpless because I’m so far out of the loop and not really able to be there for them right now. Wasband claimed not to know anything but mentioned he would be more observant when he was with the male half.

The next thing he said has been in the back of my mind all day. “If (female half) is going off to perceived “greener pastures” and he can’t stop it…I’m certain he knows his friends are here for him.”

I had no reason to assume that was what was going on. But he instantly turned their story into ours. All that niceness felt like it had really been for nothing–had he just been waiting for the opportune moment to rub my face in it again? That he had won. That he had (and probably still plays) the victim card to all the friends and family we used to share. That he still doesn’t think he had any blame in why “us” failed.

Sometimes I think that’s all I want. For him to wake up one day and realize it took two. And yes, that includes him. I think about how much growing I have crammed into one year. How I’m sure I have cried more in this short time span than the rest of my life combined. All the endless hours over-analyzing what happened and why it did…

Then I look at him and I wonder–how much more hell does he need to go through before he get’s there?

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One Response to “time heals all wounds?”

  1. Man, that’s tough. It is very hard when what we’ve done is tossed back in our face just when we begin to feel like we’re (collectively) moving beyond it. And it is such a shame that he considers this completely one-sided.

    …My guess is that he truly *can’t* grow until he realizes that it’s not.


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