foggy.

17Jan10

There’s nothing quite like that feeling you get when you see a family member is calling you and instantly you know what it’s about. Your insides flop and you all of a sudden feel quite alert but caught off guard all at once. That’s how my Sunday morning started. My dad called to inform me that my grandfather was back in the hospital. That it’s gotten bad the past few weeks and they don’t really know what new thing is wrong yet.

I’ve been in a fog since getting off the phone. I feel empty and achy and everything hurts. Being in my office (let alone having two more days at this job) is the last place I want to be.

I’ve been blissfully ignorant seven hundred miles away from home, continuing to choose to not deal with things that need to be addressed and won’t just go away, while my grandfather has progressively gotten worse. I have so much pent up bitterness towards my past life and the people in it. But all of that just feels like selfishness when something like this happens.

A big part of me just wants to hop on a plane and go back home. But to what?  To a family who feels I have turned my back on the way they raised me and in return have cut me out of their lives? I wish in sitautions like this that nothing else mattered and that family truly came first.

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One Response to “foggy.”

  1. Awww, I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I am not sure what is going on w/ your fam, but maybe you should go and visit for the sake of seeing him.

    On a lighter note, I got the sign in my living room from Todd’s Farm Antique Flea market in Rowley, MA.


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