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I still haven’t unpacked the boxes overflowing with technicolor satin, chiffon and taffeta. Bridesmaid dresses with permanently soiled trains that saw the weddings of people I thought at one time were my closest friends. The majority of whom didn’t care enough to pick up the phone when the rumors started rolling in.

Pilly woolen sweaters and worn out flats that strolled with my mother through Marie Antoinette’s garden, Pere La Chaise, the Louvre. She hasn’t called since her visit a few weeks ago.

Little black dresses and sparkly evening gowns. Snapshots of parties, memorable dates, nights on the town. Snapshots that seem like they are from someone else’s photo album entirely.

Diamond earrings from our first anniversary. A silver bracelet that reminds me of something sweet he said while our relationship was still new and completely innocent. A lavendar sundress I broke out in a heat rash in during out honeymoon in Puerta Vallarta. A million years ago. An airy cotton summer dress I bought for the trip to Hawaii. Only three months later I left for the first time. A comfy hooded sweater; that last trip to the apple orchard, bonfires in the backyard, the crisp, comforting feeling that is only the start of autumn in Michigan. A soft, cream colored scarf I cried into, parked on a side street, after he told me he wanted a divorce.

They’ve piled up in storage boxes or been banished to the back of the closet. What does it mean that I can’t bring myself to get rid of these things? These constant reminders of a life that no longer exists?


2 Responses to “closet.”

  1. Thanks for the visit again and the lovely sentiment. 🙂 As far as your entry goes… I would find it hard to let go of those things too. While they may symbolize a time in your life that’s attached to less than stellar moments, it’s still a part of who you were and who you’ve become today because of your past. It’s okay to keep them until, if ever, you feel it’s time to let them go.

  2. It means you still need to remember. We don’t move on by forgetting. We move on by being grateful for what was, grieving, learning to honoring it as part of our growth, and then, when the time comes you will be able to say goodbye and creating space for the journey still to come.

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