bittersweet

13Sep09

Picture 175ps

They left this afternoon and I’ve had an aching in my stomach ever since.

Seeing my family now is bittersweet. I love them, but they are a constant reminder of a past life, something I will never have again. All I wanted today was to just curl up in a ball in the backseat of their car, leave everything behind and just be a part of my family again. I can’t get my old life back…and I’m not even saying I would ever want all of it back…but at least I could have them. I could have one of the good parts.

Everything has changed now. They’ve moved to a new home and left our old one behind. Now so have I. And even though I’m physically closer to them, there are still 600 miles between us. I’ve left behind the way of life I was raised to believe was correct. They’ve had to put up a wall until I decide to change my ways back.

It’s one thing to no longer have the support of your friends. It’s a whole other thing to lose the support of your family.

I sat behind the front door sobbing after my mother and brother left this afternoon. And I’m crying again while I write this. I have never felt so alone or so confused.

Advertisements


3 Responses to “bittersweet”

  1. so sorry for your pain! i live on the opposite coast of my family and cry so much when i have to leave my mom…hang in there…

  2. Aww. I’m sorry too.

    Hey, email me if you ever need someone to talk to. I mean, you don’t know me but I’d surely like to be a friend to you, if you need.

    xo, Deirdre

  3. I also love this photograph you’ve posted.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: