firsts and temporaries.

10Sep09

Picture 172ps

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach like it’s my first day of school and I’m eight.

I’m surprisingly nervous about meeting my group of K-5er’s who will be a part of the after-school art program I’m a volunteer teaching assistant for at the art museum once a week. I love kids, but I never saw myself reaching out to do anything teaching or kid related before. And today is our first class.

Tomorrow I have an interview at a women-run little PR company downtown. I really want this job, even though to start it’s just part-time. I’ve convinced myself that if I do get it, I will figure out some way to make ends meet.

And then there is my mother, who will be stopping in on her way up from Florida for a visit back home. I’m torn on how I feel about it, since the whole situation is so royally screwed up.

I miss my mother terribly and part of me is excited to see her and show her around my new town. Another part knows I will have to spend time sweeping all the big and little lies under the rug and out of sight before her arrival. I’m tired of the lying. I wish I could be honest with my family, but in truth, I’m not honest with them because I realize the absurdity of the decisions I’ve made. The decisions I continue to make.

A therapist, who I should be seeing but choose not to because I’m not ready to deal with someone telling me what I already know I should be doing, would tell me I’ve made every poor decision possible with my divorce and the path I’ve chosen to take after it. I’ve ignored all the warning signs and chosen an unwise path for myself that I keep labeling as “temporary”.  Temporary is subjective. I’m worried my temporary is going to be very prolonged….

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One Response to “firsts and temporaries.”

  1. You can only do what you feel is right for you. Each decision takes us to where we are presently. I hope you can find things to be happy about and know that without your past choices, you may not have that happiness. ❤


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