“I’m sorry miss, I just have never been here before and I can’t seem to get this computer to work. It’s not letting me  enter my library card number.”

The creeper standing across from me at the library was talking to my cleavage.

I gave him a fake smile and informed him it had worked fine for me, and that he should ask the lady at the information desk to assist him. Since she worked here and I didn’t. Creeper wasn’t to be deterred however. He got up and sidled over to my computer, where he began asking again if he was doing this right. One glance at my computer search screen and the lists of self-help, “how to cope with your divorce” books, and he quickly took my advice and made a bee-line for the little old ladies at the information desk.

I wondered to myself if I should just head over to Barnes & Noble and buy one, since it had never dawned on me before how great a creepy guy repellant one of these publications could be. Then, I got that great knife in the gut feeling once again when I remembered that yes, I’m only in my mid-twenties and I actually need a book telling me how I deal with the fact that I’m divorced.

Pat Hudson, Ph.D. informs me that I need to “tell my story” in the first chapter of her book. (One chapter was all that I was able to get through in one sitting before feeling ill from thinking about things again.) She says I need to set the record straight with myself as to why this really happened, and that I need a “consultant”, someone to share it with. Whether it be friends, family, or through some form of a creative outlet.

The fifth of Absolut on top of my fridge apparrently doesnt count as a creative outlet.

Writing has always been my thing since I was a kid. Which has it’s pros and cons. It became much easier to write things out then talk them out…much less actual confrontation. Which I know now was one of the many contributing factors to the communication breakdown between myself and the Ex. But I stopped writing in my journals, or writing at all really, after the wedding at the end of 2004. I was (a far too young to be married) 20 year old, and had no clue I was in for a roller-coaster ride of four and a half years. I wish so much now that I hadn’t stopped, that I could have something to look back on during that time period so I could have something solid to reflect on and perhaps make some kind of sense as to where I am now.

So I’m writing. Probably just to myself–but at least I’m getting it out there.

In two weeks I will uproot myself from the place I have lived and called home my entire life and relocate to a much smaller town called Greenville in South Carolina. It’s definitely time for a fresh start and a clean slate–but can it really be a fresh start when you feel like you’re running away with your tail between your legs?


4 Responses to “self-help.”

  1. hey, thanks for the comment on my blog.
    i’m looking forward to reading your story and i wish you luck on this new phase in your life…
    i, too, started blogging to work through some intense issues in my life and have so far found it very therapeutic..

  2. I, too, would like to follow along, if you don’t mind.

  3. I would love the insight 🙂 i look forward to keeping up with both of you as well.

  4. Awesome. I’ve linked you. I hope that’s okay.

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